DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been sexting a man half my age behind my husband’s back.
He gives me the attention my husband hasn’t given me in 20 years of marriage.
We’re both 42 and we haven’t had sex in years.
I met my lover at work a few months ago, he was the new member of staff and I felt instantly attracted to him.
He reminded me of my husband when I first met him — full of confidence, energetic and funny.
When he was placed in my team we hit it off straight away. Soon it turned into coffee after work, friendly texting and then sending each other nudes.
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It’s the closest thing I’ve had to sex in years and I love how I can turn him on just from a photo alone — but I’m craving the real deal.
He lives with his girlfriend but says the relationship is effectively over and the only thing keeping them together is the house they rent together.
I know that I’ve crossed a line regarding my marriage and my behaviour is far from professional but I can’t help it — this man gives me what my husband doesn’t.
Now, he’s the first person I think of when I wake up and I’m consumed with a desire to sleep with him.
We agreed that we will only have sex if we both leave our partners.
I love being intimate. I miss it so much and wish my husband would even give me a peck on the cheek.
I’ve tried to tell him how I feel but he just dismisses me, saying I should be happy because we’re in love and married.
Things can’t continue like this at home but I’m not sure my relationship with my lover will ever amount to anything.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t leave your husband for your lover.
While this man is providing you with an exciting distraction, in the cold light of day that is all this is.
If he was going to leave his girlfriend for you, he would’ve done it by now.
Instead, speak to your husband about how you’re feeling.
Ask what is going on for him – perhaps there’s something affecting his libido that he hasn’t told you about.
He could be depressed or anxious which would affect his sexual desire.
Alternatively, he could be watching porn regularly which could also cause issues.
Whatever his answer, it isn’t realistic of him to expect you to be happy in a sexless marriage.
He needs to understand what is at risk here.
You would both benefit from couple counselling to resolve this issue.
A third party will be able to help you to work through this.
My Counselling support pack has more information.
