DEAR DEIDRE: I’M happy for my girlfriend to cheat with other men – as long as I can watch.
The shock and anger I felt when I discovered her infidelity has given way to a cuckold fetish, but now I’m worried I’m playing with fire.
I’m 27 and my girlfriend is 28. We met at university and have been together for five years.
Two years ago, I caught her cheating on me with a male friend. I found them together in the bathroom at a party.
She was pleasuring him.
I was shocked, hurt and angry but I was also strangely turned on. I stood watching for a few moments, taking in the scene, before I let them know I’d caught them.
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My girlfriend was very remorseful, blaming it on being drunk, and I forgave her.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d seen. I’d pleasure myself, thinking about it.
A few months later, I confessed my fetish and told her I’d be happy for her to have sex with other men, on condition that I could be there and watch them together.
She was surprised, but admitted she liked the idea. We started going out to bars and clubs to pick up willing partners.
The first time she had sex with a guy in front of me, she was very shy. But she soon started enjoying herself – especially when she saw how much I liked it.
Afterwards, we’d discuss what had happened and have sex together.
My problem is that I’ve started feeling ashamed about this. I’m worried it isn’t normal and I’m scared I’ve ruined our relationship.
I also fear she might fall for one of her lovers.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your cuckold fetish is not as unusual as you’d think, and many men are aroused by the thought of another man having sex with their partner.
My support pack Fetish Worries, will help you understand this.
But making fantasy a reality comes with risks, as you’ve realised.
You need to express your fears to her and discuss boundaries. It may be that she has the same fears, or is worried that if she doesn’t keep on doing it, you’ll go off her.
Perhaps you could agree to keep this as a fantasy that you discuss, rather than actively participate in.
If you’re worried about why you have this fantasy, talking to a counsellor could help. See my support pack about Sex Therapy.
