LYING back on the pillows post-sex, I hug my husband tightly.
I love him to pieces and never want him to know that I’ve just faked my orgasm.
It’s not a When Harry Met Sally-style performance, screaming and banging the headboard — just a question of catching my breath and moaning in the right places.
It’s something I’ve done ever since I’ve been with him.
Like the millions of women who fake it, I don’t want to hurt his feelings by admitting it’s not hitting the spot.
And after 25 years of sex that’s never really been better than “nice” or “pleasant”, it would be too difficult to broach it now.
It would be horrible for him to hear and would rock the foundations of our marriage.
It would make him feel inadequate and question whether I have lied about anything else. I haven’t.
And I don’t think there’s anything Simon could do to make it work.
It’s not as if I’m crying out for something kinky like bondage to tip me over the edge. I think our bodies just don’t match.
I know it is not because I’m incapable of orgasms.
I’ve had plenty of “rip your clothes off” sex in my time and know the dizzying heights I can reach.
After 25 years of sex that’s never really been better than ‘nice’ or ‘pleasant,’ it would be too difficult to broach it now.
When I met Simon I was in my second year at university in Leeds and we were in the pub.
He knew people on my sociology course and we got chatting.
I had a few beers and we started snogging so I invited him back to my room.
Interestingly we didn’t have sex that night.
We lay in bed chatting instead.
I went away liking him enormously — he’s a great person.
We arranged to meet up the following week and it continued from there. We had sex on our third meeting and it was . . . fine.
I wasn’t hugely experienced, he was only my second lover and I hadn’t orgasmed with my first boyfriend either.
Simon turned me on, and I enjoyed it so I presumed climaxing would come with time and there were occasions when I tried to convince myself that I had.
Aside from the sex, we developed an amazing relationship — he’s a lovely man, kind and considerate and endlessly supportive.
Early on I felt this was the man I would spend my life with, and even now I know we have one of the happiest marriages imaginable.
Having said that, we did split up shortly after we finished our degrees.
At times I look back and wish I’d said something, but it wasn’t like his technique was off. We just didn’t have that all-important phwoar factor.
I was going to teacher training college in London and he was on a work placement elsewhere and wanted to be free.
Though I was upset, we agreed to remain friends.
In the following three years I slept with seven people.
Two left me cold — they were drunk one-night stands that I regret.
One was a fling with an older man where the sex was good.
Four were friends of friends who I ended up having relationships with.
It was with the second of them that I finally had an orgasm and understood what it was all about.
I realised that the twinge I’d felt with Simon wasn’t close to the breathtaking orgasm I could have.
The relationship didn’t work but the sex was phenomenal. And it was like that with my next two relationships too.
When Simon came home after two years, we started seeing each other sporadically as friends.
Occasionally we’d get drunk and end up in bed together.
I was 25 when I got back together with Simon properly.
He was then, and still is, the man I picture getting old with. It sounds odd, but I don’t think I really contemplated the sex part — it wasn’t high on my list of priorities.
We laughed and I loved him.
Not actually having an orgasm didn’t worry me — I thought it was just a matter of time.
At times I look back and wish I’d said something, but it wasn’t like his technique was off.
We just didn’t have that all-important phwoar factor.
So in a way it would be pointless. And I never felt as though I was settling, I was completely sure that I wanted to be married to him.
We wed in 2008 when I was 27, and went on honeymoon to Italy and, like all newlyweds, we were at it like rabbits.
Yet still an orgasm eluded me.
I fell pregnant a month later and we now have two sons, aged 15 and 13. The early years passed in a haze.
We still had sex but not very often.
And I always pretended I loved it more than I did.
He occasionally asks if I’m satisfied or whether he can finish and I will always reassure him that I’m there.
To be honest, sometimes I’m glad that it’s over.
I’ve tried to spice things up a bit.
I’m not one for toys but I bought some lacy underwear in the hope it would make us more passionate and lead to satisfaction.
The last time I did that was about five years ago — it never helped.
And now we rarely make love at all.
The last time was nearly two years ago. I don’t miss it.
We do talk about it occasionally and say we should do it more often, but then we just roll over and sleep.
I do wonder sometimes if it’s the same for him — he does orgasm but I’m not sure it’s incredible for him — more a reaction to the mechanics of it.
It’s different for men.
The other day a girlfriend was laughing that she’d had a phenomenal quickie with her husband in their lunch break at home… it was a shock and made me think.
I remember with previous lovers, lying there breathless, sweaty and sated and not being able to talk.
It’s never been like that for either of us.
Ironically, one of the reasons I’ll never tell him that I fake it is because I know how hurt I’d be to hear the same thing from him.
Sometimes I look back wistfully on the passionate encounters I’ve had.
The other day a girlfriend was laughing that she’d had a phenomenal quickie with her husband in their lunch break at home.
I don’t generally talk about sex with my friends but I’d presumed they were all the same as me and had a take-it-or-leave-it attitude.
So it was a shock and made me think.
And I do worry that I’ll feel differently once the children have left home and we aren’t so busy.
Maybe then I’ll long for passion in my life and it will ruin everything. I hope I don’t as I adore my husband.
Out of all our friends I think we’ve got one of the most successful marriages.
We rarely argue, we’re on the same page with the way we bring up our children, he’s loving and giving.
We think the same about most things.
Equally I hope he doesn’t go searching for more exciting and fulfilling sex.
He’s the most wonderful man alive, and missing out on orgasms is a small price to pay for being with him.
DANIEL DUBOIS’ team have been rocked by a pay dispute ahead of tomorrow’s massive fight with Anthony Joshua.
Trainer Don Charles missed all this week’s promotional events for Wembley’s IBF heavyweight title showdown in front of 96,000 fans.
Promoter Frank Warren has confirmed the cash crisis – but insists Charles was absent from last night’s press conference due to illness.
Asked about claims of a huge bust-up between Dubois’ father Stan and trainer Charles, Warren said: “I know there is a situation between them, which was over money.
“But that is not my business that’s their business. I spoke to Don, Stan and Daniel.
“Don is ill with the flu and in bed. He wanted to come to the weigh-in and I told him not to and to leave it until Saturday.
“If Daniel caught it on Saturday, the symptoms won’t hit him until the following day.”
IBF king Dubois, 27, said: “As long as he is in my corner on fight night, I will be fine. Everything is good.”
And turning his attention to Joshua, 34, he added: “I need to take him back to that dark place and make him uncomfortable in there, make him break down in the ring.
“He’s ripe for the taking now. I’m on the rise, I’ve got the momentum on my side.
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“No more words, just fighting, punches. I’m ready to fight and destroy.”
Joshua is a heavy favourite to claim his fifth win in as many appearances at Wembley to become a three-time heavyweight champion.
THIS weekend Wembley will witness one of the biggest all-British fights of all-time.
But who will emerge victorious under the famous arch? Some of the biggest names in boxing have been having their say…
Oleksandr Usyk: “My favourite is Anthony Joshua but I am very bad at predictions. But I will predict Anthony Joshua.”
Dillian Whyte: “I just think that it’s one of those fights where it is a genuine 50/50 fight in my opinion.”
Joe Joyce: “I was initially edging with Joshua but I don’t know, Dubois is coming on.”
Frazer Clarke: “As heavy-handed as Dubois is and as good a fighter as he’s becoming, I still have to go for Joshua.”
Francis Ngannou: “Even though Joshua lost against Usyk twice and Dubois fought Usyk and almost knocked him down and almost won, I would still give this to Joshua.”
Click here for more fight predictions for Anthony Joshua vs Daniel Dubois
AJ said: “The accolades come later.
“I’ll be back home on Sunday eating the same breakfast, putting laundry in the basket and going to the same local gym.
ANTHONY JOSHUA VS DANIEL DUBOIS: All the information you need ahead of huge world title fight at Wembley
“I’m a competitive person and I’ve got competition to deal with on Saturday. I could win in a variety of ways. I’m not depending on punch power.
“It takes a lot more than that to be a great fighter. I have the fighter spirit and I’ll break him down.”
Devin Strader is speaking out after sordid allegations emerged from his past.
The Bachelorette alum, who recently ended his engagement to season 21 lead Jenn Tran, broke his silence on his...
JOHN HIGGINS went viral with an unbelievable shot during the English Open.
Higgins, 49, faces Mark Allen in the Last 16 of the competition in Brentwood.
"The greatest double kiss I've ever seen in my life!"
— Eurosport (@eurosport) September 19, 2024
This John Higgins fluke was unbelievable! @WeAreWST | BVEnglishOpen pic.twitter.com/00L6uHdJL0
And both snooker stars have upped the ante with incredible shots during an absolute showdown of a clash.
Higgins, though, seems to have stolen the headlines as he put together one of the greatest double kisses.
The Scot tried to put a red ball in the corner but put too much power on his shot and it went rolling around the table.
However, the white ball then met the same red in the middle and the latter ended up going in.
The Eurosport commentator was left absolute stunned with what he just witnessed.
The announcer gushed: “This is probably the greatest double kiss I’ve ever seen in my life.”
The commentator, though, did suggest this might have been a shocking fluke.
Nevertheless, snooker fans were left in awe as they stormed social media.
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One fan tweeted: “This John Higgins fluke was unbelievable!”
Another commented: “Wow.
” A third posted: “Wonderful scenes.”
This fan said: “I think we can call this match eventful.”
And that one stated: “Fantastic!”
Higgins also made headlines in the English Open as he became only the second ever player to register 1,000 centuries.
MARRIED At First Sight UK bride Sacha Jones has already had a forgotten stint on a classic MTV reality show.
The bride-to-be got wed to her hunky groom Ross on the E4 dating show but it did not take long for eagle-eyed fans to work out exactly where they know her from.
Sacha, 29, had already received notoriety for winning the Miss Birmingham contest after three attempts but she also had a hidden TV past she failed to mention ahead of her wedding.
The blonde bombshell was a cast member on the fiery MTV reality show, Beauty School Cop Outs.
She was among one of eight youngsters sent to a beauty school in Manchester to learn the tricks and the trades of the beauty industry.
However, the cast mainly spent their time on wild night’s out, enjoying raunchy on-screen hook-ups and a whole load of fighting and screaming matched.
Having seen her strut down the aisle, one fan commented online: “Sasha has done reality tv before! She was wild on this show!”
Sacha was the youngest of the cast having signed up at the age of 18 but she was in good company as the show became notable for being the starting ground for many notable TV personalities and stars in their own right.
Scarlett Moffatt appeared on the programme alongside Sacha a year before she made her Gogglebox debut.
Hunky Irish model Jeremy McConnell also found fame off the back of the show which led to him becoming a notorious tabloid personality and a memorable Celebrity Big Brother housemate.
One of Sacha’s most notable moments on the show was when she snogged Jeremy after a wild night out.
Savannah Kemplay also had her first TV stint on the forgotten show before going on to star in MTV hit Ex On The Beach.
Her forgotten TV past comes after the TV beauty was left dropping a major bombshell on her brand new husband on MAFS.
Just moments after tying the knot the aesthetics practitioner revealed to her new husband that that she is a mum of two.
Painter and decorator Ross then shared that he was actually a father to a three-year-old daughter.
His confession was met with a warm response from his new wife, who said it was “cute”.
She later shared: “I just love dad’s and their daughters, maybe because I’m so close to my dad and I’m a daddies girl.”
Sacha then revealed: “I’ve got two kids as well, I’ve got a boy and a girl…”
But before Ross could share his excitement, the Brummie confessed she was actually a mum to two CATS.
While taking their wedding snaps, Sacha admitted she was “nervous” to share a bedroom with Ross, 32.
“We’ve got to get to know each other, which is scary and then we’ve got to be in the hotel room later which will be awkward.”
Sacha, who has been celibate for over a year, told the camera: “It’s a big thing to say I’m not sleeping with anyone, I feel a bit awkward around him because I don’t know him.”
MANCHESTER City fans are looking back in anger at their side’s dull draw on Wednesday against Inter Milan in the new “Oasis-inspired” fourth kit.
After the match, City defender Manuel Akanji admitted he’d accidentally passed to the assistant ref because the official’s top looked like his side’s special-edition shirt.
One supporter fumed that the Definitely City strip – part-designed by the band’s Noel Gallagher to mark the 30th anniversary of debut album Definitely Maybe – was “the worst footie kit I’ve ever seen.”
But in the league of garish football garb, the peach and blue shirt is nowhere near top of the table.
Garish classic replica football shirts are trendy with Gen Z, who are as likely to flaunt an obscure top as they are a team’s main colours.
True collectors will want all three – home, away and third kits, which can cost £80 to £110 each.
If the strips have been “match-worn” by a star player in a memorable game they can fetch thousands of pounds.
That has led to clubs battling to put out even more eye-catching kit.
Premier League champs City went further, by introducing the Definitely City strip – inspired by the front room shown on the album’s cover – to be worn during home matches in the Champions League this season.
The “authentic” shirt will set fans back £125. But it does come in a “collector’s box” featuring Noel on the front.
So which club kits are winners and which deserve to be relegated to the nearest charity shop?
Fashion Editor Clemmie Fieldsend is our referee.
BOSS Pep Guardiola strummed the guitar in a photoshoot recreation of Oasis’s Definitely Maybe album for the fourth kit’s launch.
And while the shirt’s colours are inspired by the band’s album cover, they don’t appear to be in tune with fans who prefer the classic sky-blue hues of the home strip.
Clemmie says: “Some might say this Oasis themed shirt is Wonderwall, but Man alive, it’s reminding me of a dinner lady’s tabard.”
THE Canaries can’t do much about the fact their yellow and green colours resemble what might be regurgitated after a heavy night out.
But there is no excuse for this multi-coloured goalie kit, which is even more offensive to the eyes than their much sought-after early Nineties home shirt.
Clemmie says: “The print looks like it’s come straight off a bus seat, and that’s not a fashion goal or a keeper.”
IT’S perhaps understandable that Tottenham fans might want to go out in camouflage after the Premier League side’s poor start to the season.
But surely their army-green third shirt blends in too much with the turf and will make it difficult for team-mates to pick each other out.
Clemmie says: “It may be ‘first the worst’ in the children’s rhyme, but third has outdone it when it comes to Tottenham’s reserve shirt.”
ED SHEERAN has worn his beloved Ipswich Town’s third kit, which is sponsored by his world tour.
While the pop collaboration makes sense, the pink colour with white musical frequencies on it is nothing but a bad equation.
Clemmie says: “Featuring sound waves from fans at Portman Road, plus the local coastline, Framlingham Castle and Wolsey’s Gate – local tourism chiefs must be thrilled.”
HAVING splashed out more than £300million on players this summer, it seems the West London club didn’t have much cash left over to hire a kit designer.
Instead they seem to have stuck a white top in a washing machine with blue dye and left it to see what would happen.
Clemmie says: “It’s not very likely that this child-like design is going to ignite any fires in fashion.”
THE Championship side have just sacked their manager Steven Schumacher – but the designers who did their third kit deserve the push as well.
For a part of the world that is famous for its potteries, you might think they could do better.
Clemmie says: “Stoke City’s third kit reminds me of Lady Gaga’s famous meat dress with its patchy pink design – and not in a good way.”
THE Gunners have gone for a sky-blue third kit, with very similar colours to those of their biggest league rivals, Man City.
But that decision has been blasted by supporters of the North London side.
Clemmie says: “The light blue and lilac colours have a look of the Premier League title holders’ shirt about them.
“But despite the critics, it is the most versatile and fashionable of the lot.”
STARE too long at The Black Cats’ third kit and you are liable to be hypnotised by its Seventies-style pattern.
Look closer at the blue shirt and you will see a colliery wheel, which celebrates the city and wider North East’s proud coal mining history.
Clemmie says: “Some fans have taken a stand against it saying it looks like a Wetherspoons plate.”
THERE is nothing foxy about the away kit Jamie Vardy is wearing for The Foxes this season.
The black Adidas shirt, with gold and pink splashes, looks faded – a bit like Leicester City’s survival hopes.
Clemmie says: “There’s the vintage look and then there’s ‘mouldy’. Bit of an own-goal.”
BRIGHTON’S striped yellow and blue away kit has drawn comparisons with those pesky cartoon Minions.
But the Seagulls have had a strong start to the season, so maybe those bright colours are helping to put off the opposition.
Clemmie says: “Brighton’s new kit has a retro feel that bumps it right up the fashion league table.”
FANS of newly promoted Saints described their new third kit as “needing sunglasses to see it” and “up there with the worst kits ever”.
Pondering the South coast side’s dodgy history of questionable shirts, Clemmie says: “While they say their strip ‘follows the dazzle concept’, the Pepto Bismol pink colour makes me feel a little queasy and should be quickly relegated.”
THE Definitely City kit is inspired by the Definitely Maybe cover, and the publicity material for it was shot in a living room based on the cover, with City’s Kyle Walker, Jess Park, Ederson and Mateo Kovacic joining Pep Guardiola and Noel Gallagher.
